With you by my side,i have no fear.

i hate myself
Sunday, Mar. 18, 2007 : 4:27 p.m.

i hate myself

i hate myself for being temprimental
i hate myself for always losing my temper
i hate myself for feeling useless
i hate myself for causing pple trouble
i hate myself for making my family feel angered
i hate myself for being selfish.
i hate myself for feeling tired
i hate myself for......

im not sure wad else i hate abt myself
but the list does goes on...

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
a message to trina
Thursday, Mar. 08, 2007 : 1:01 p.m.

cousins.
i have never realli remembered any of my childhood days with any of my cousin.
only one person has always been in my memories since i could remember.

Dear trina,

not related by blood
not related in anyway
more like childhood friends rather than relatives
we were the closest things we had since young.
we were like glue
playing together
eating together
watching movies and cartoons together
we were just very close to each other
everything that i do now...
is related to her.
i needed to be close to her
in every way that i can.
we are connected in many ways

no matter how long we parted from each other,
we will always find each other.
we were always there for each other
spiritally or physically
we will always the bestest of the bestest.

things are not going as smoothly for us
but just being able to tok to each other
can just make ourselves feel wanted
or even just being loved by each other.

we will always be cousins
the closest if we can.
loves...

Beatrice

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
im sorry
Wednesday, Feb. 21, 2007 : 12:44 a.m.

shucks.

i guess i was too mean.
when u feel irritated and depressed
the only way to overcome it,
is to just show ur disagreement with the person who is causing the disturbance.

but after the confrontation..
i guess maybe i was too harsh.
touching the spot which hurts the most.
but i cant help feeling
upset
regretful
uncomfortable.

sucks.
realli sucks.

guess i just haf to say..
im sorry my cousin dear.

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
im bored.
Tuesday, Feb. 20, 2007 : 11:13 a.m.

chinese new year
chinese new year.

im getting bored on chinese new year.

no clubbing
no drinking
no smoking
no visitation

its kind of boring
staying at home rotting
literally.

i hate rotting
but sometimes im too lazy that i haf to rot
i cant leave the house
i cant go anywhere
it feels like being grounded.

damn.

there are times when i wish my cousin would just keep calling me out till i get irritated.
but guess wad?!
im the one always doing the calling.

sorry friends.
couldnt meet u guys.
some other time maybe
this week is not a good week.

im bored.

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
selfish pple
Tuesday, Feb. 20, 2007 : 2:16 a.m.

im disappointed,
im feeling emo,
and im feeling abit of hatred for some pple.

i just do not understand
y some pple are just so selfish
to think about themselves
and not for the people who has left us.

y is it so important to be so negative abt the whole thing
and make the picture seem like an unlucky event.

how could u?!
how could u be soooo selfish?

goodness!

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
mourning during chinese new year
Monday, Feb. 19, 2007 : 12:11 a.m.

its depressing
when your chinese new year is spent accompanying a passed on relative.

no visitation allowed
no celebration is allowed

its not sucky
its just depressing.

a passing on of my 2nd aunt made me realised that not everything is smooth sailing even at wakes and funerals.

families go by ranking
sexes still matter the most even though its already the 21st century.
brothers crying
sisters crying
grandchildren crying
distant relatives crying

funerals are not made to me sad.
its meant to be a joyful event to celebrate the passing on of someone's life.
Hey!that person is enjoying life with God and we should be happy for them!
but it seems alittle hard to remind ourselves to be happy when someone close has left us.

tomorrow/or should i say later is the cremation.
its just reminding me of my grandmother.
her funeral was a fruitful one i guess
with me
-being just 5 yrs old.
-being the onli witness who saw her died
-being the youngest grandchild at the time
-being able to play around her coffin
-being able to sleep under,beside and hopefully not Over the coffin
such memories are just painful for me to go through again.

i hope i will not go through anymore mourning anytime soon.
i dun wan to relive pain again.

guess more crying tomorrow.

have a great journey with God my dear aunt.

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
EMO TIME!!
Friday, Jan. 26, 2007 : 3:32 p.m.

i sound like im depressed
but im not.

realli.

im just...
being abit emotional.

cant sleep
cant think straight
so much things running through my head
wad is wrong with me???

i missing out alot of things i realised.
too many things
even though i just celebrated my 22nd,
its like i have not achieved anything at all.

too emo now.
just its the songs i keep listening.
time to go back to the past being
busy,
tired,
cranky,
crazy,
irritating.

i love the past me.
but im looking forward for the new me
the well-versed and intelligent me.

realli.

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
my birthdae!!!
Thursday, Jan. 25, 2007 : 3:19 p.m.

its my birthdae!!1

my birthdae!!!

damn.
old again.
but never too old i guess.

haha.

happy birthdae to me
happy birthdae to me
happy birthdae to meeeee
happy birthdae to me...

sad

no one remembers my birthdae!

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%
decisions
Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2007 : 5:21 a.m.

its already tuesdae and im still deciding.and i CANT FUCKING SLEEP!!

decide wad u may ask.

decide whether i should stay or should i go?
should i leave nightlife for the time being?
or should i just stay till i realli think about what i wan to do.

i knoe what i wan to do
i know where i wan to go.

but...

i have limitations for the skills i have.
and i dun mean bartending.
i haf lots to learn about bartending
but guess wad..

i realised its not my forte.
my forte is design.

designing is like making me go crazy
im starting to dig out more stuff abt designing and school is in july..(THAT IS... if i get in nafa lah)
and im getting gut feelings that i had when i decided to go to balcony to work.

good?
bad?

I DUNO!!!

YANNI IS TOO NICE TO ME
that i cannot bear to disappoint him by leaving.

damn damn damn...

GIVE ME A SIGN!!!!

(i dun mind doing freelance though)

JUST : DANCE

|Last dances|
%%older_entries%%

|PROFILE|
>
My Name is Beatrice and I have already graduated from Temasek Polytechnic,Interior and Architecture Design.
I have dreams to fulfill and to me, my dreams and aspirations are the most important part of my life now as i am not young anymore.
born in 1985, i am left with a future full of hopes and dreams for me to achieve and knowing that it is not a easy one,i have to work hard.
i have friends whom ive neglected but hopefully,i am able to get them back into my life for friends make my day realli well.

	. : SerEne . iSkAndAr . iZyaN . AngEl . NaFadIfI . rACHiEE . mEL . tAnyAn . aMaNda . bIrdIe . Lyana . VictOriA . jAnZ . vaZod . jOmAy . rAcHeL . wEnYou . SaM . jiAwEn . cJ . LenA . mysistEr. mycousin-amanda : .
	i hate myself Sunday, Mar. 18, 2007 : 4:27 p.m. i hate myself i hate myself for being temprimental i hate myself for always losing my temper i hate myself for feeling useless i hate myself for causing pple trouble i hate myself for making my family feel angered i hate myself for being selfish. i hate myself for feeling tired i hate myself for...... im not sure wad else i hate abt myself but the list does goes on... JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% a message to trina Thursday, Mar. 08, 2007 : 1:01 p.m. cousins. i have never realli remembered any of my childhood days with any of my cousin. only one person has always been in my memories since i could remember. Dear trina, not related by blood not related in anyway more like childhood friends rather than relatives we were the closest things we had since young. we were like glue playing together eating together watching movies and cartoons together we were just very close to each other everything that i do now... is related to her. i needed to be close to her in every way that i can. we are connected in many ways no matter how long we parted from each other, we will always find each other. we were always there for each other spiritally or physically we will always the bestest of the bestest. things are not going as smoothly for us but just being able to tok to each other can just make ourselves feel wanted or even just being loved by each other. we will always be cousins the closest if we can. loves... Beatrice JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% im sorry Wednesday, Feb. 21, 2007 : 12:44 a.m. shucks. i guess i was too mean. when u feel irritated and depressed the only way to overcome it, is to just show ur disagreement with the person who is causing the disturbance. but after the confrontation.. i guess maybe i was too harsh. touching the spot which hurts the most. but i cant help feeling upset regretful uncomfortable. sucks. realli sucks. guess i just haf to say.. im sorry my cousin dear. JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% im bored. Tuesday, Feb. 20, 2007 : 11:13 a.m. chinese new year chinese new year. im getting bored on chinese new year. no clubbing no drinking no smoking no visitation its kind of boring staying at home rotting literally. i hate rotting but sometimes im too lazy that i haf to rot i cant leave the house i cant go anywhere it feels like being grounded. damn. there are times when i wish my cousin would just keep calling me out till i get irritated. but guess wad?! im the one always doing the calling. sorry friends. couldnt meet u guys. some other time maybe this week is not a good week. im bored. JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% selfish pple Tuesday, Feb. 20, 2007 : 2:16 a.m. im disappointed, im feeling emo, and im feeling abit of hatred for some pple. i just do not understand y some pple are just so selfish to think about themselves and not for the people who has left us. y is it so important to be so negative abt the whole thing and make the picture seem like an unlucky event. how could u?! how could u be soooo selfish? goodness! JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% mourning during chinese new year Monday, Feb. 19, 2007 : 12:11 a.m. its depressing when your chinese new year is spent accompanying a passed on relative. no visitation allowed no celebration is allowed its not sucky its just depressing. a passing on of my 2nd aunt made me realised that not everything is smooth sailing even at wakes and funerals. families go by ranking sexes still matter the most even though its already the 21st century. brothers crying sisters crying grandchildren crying distant relatives crying funerals are not made to me sad. its meant to be a joyful event to celebrate the passing on of someone's life. Hey!that person is enjoying life with God and we should be happy for them! but it seems alittle hard to remind ourselves to be happy when someone close has left us. tomorrow/or should i say later is the cremation. its just reminding me of my grandmother. her funeral was a fruitful one i guess with me -being just 5 yrs old. -being the onli witness who saw her died -being the youngest grandchild at the time -being able to play around her coffin -being able to sleep under,beside and hopefully not Over the coffin such memories are just painful for me to go through again. i hope i will not go through anymore mourning anytime soon. i dun wan to relive pain again. guess more crying tomorrow. have a great journey with God my dear aunt. JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% EMO TIME!! Friday, Jan. 26, 2007 : 3:32 p.m. i sound like im depressed but im not. realli. im just... being abit emotional. cant sleep cant think straight so much things running through my head wad is wrong with me??? i missing out alot of things i realised. too many things even though i just celebrated my 22nd, its like i have not achieved anything at all. too emo now. just its the songs i keep listening. time to go back to the past being busy, tired, cranky, crazy, irritating. i love the past me. but im looking forward for the new me the well-versed and intelligent me. realli. JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% my birthdae!!! Thursday, Jan. 25, 2007 : 3:19 p.m. its my birthdae!!1 my birthdae!!! damn. old again. but never too old i guess. haha. happy birthdae to me happy birthdae to me happy birthdae to meeeee happy birthdae to me... sad no one remembers my birthdae! JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% decisions Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2007 : 5:21 a.m. its already tuesdae and im still deciding.and i CANT FUCKING SLEEP!! decide wad u may ask. decide whether i should stay or should i go? should i leave nightlife for the time being? or should i just stay till i realli think about what i wan to do. i knoe what i wan to do i know where i wan to go. but... i have limitations for the skills i have. and i dun mean bartending. i haf lots to learn about bartending but guess wad.. i realised its not my forte. my forte is design. designing is like making me go crazy im starting to dig out more stuff abt designing and school is in july..(THAT IS... if i get in nafa lah) and im getting gut feelings that i had when i decided to go to balcony to work. good? bad? I DUNO!!! YANNI IS TOO NICE TO ME that i cannot bear to disappoint him by leaving. damn damn damn... GIVE ME A SIGN!!!! (i dun mind doing freelance though) JUST : DANCE \|Last dances\| %%older_entries%% \|PROFILE\| > My Name is Beatrice and I have already graduated from Temasek Polytechnic,Interior and Architecture Design. I have dreams to fulfill and to me, my dreams and aspirations are the most important part of my life now as i am not young anymore. born in 1985, i am left with a future full of hopes and dreams for me to achieve and knowing that it is not a easy one,i have to work hard. i have friends whom ive neglected but hopefully,i am able to get them back into my life for friends make my day realli well.
	. : host . email . design : .